It took me a long time to become single and content as a man. Probably a lot longer than many others, however just because I am slow doesn’t mean I don’t get there. In fact, today marked a milestone in my life of being single and content. Today was the day I buried the last hope of being married again that I can see in my future.
As some of you know, this winter I actually got engaged. I thought for sure I had finally found the right lady, but for reasons I am not going to go into publicly it didn’t work out. It was painful, and it was hard, but I know that all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose and we both love God, so it is for the best.
Today I sold the engagement ring and with it once again sighed a deep breath and chose to be content being single. It is a choice, but in all honesty, it is not that hard of a choice. It really all depends on what I choose to focus on. I have spent more time in the last 11 years not being in any type of relationship than time in one. I have gotten used to doing things on my own, and God has been so faithful to me in allowing me to find the good things in life rather than looking at what I am supposedly missing. I am becoming used to being single and content.
Becoming Single and Content Doesn’t Happen Overnight!
Now don’t get me wrong. I did not end up being single and content overnight. I did what every gump does when newly single and hurting and feeling alone. I did the single Christian websites, the single Christian chat rooms, and searched high and low for “Miss Right”. Honestly, what I found is a bunch of wounded people desperate to fill a void. Now that was fine when I was trying to fill a void, but now that I am no longer doing that, the pursuit of someone just does not have the same appeal.
I am not bitter, nor am I closed off to God bringing me someone, but in all honesty I have become kind of gender blind. She will have to walk up to my front door, greet me with a big smile and plant a wet one right on the smacker before I would even notice that it might be God. (Good thing I don’t give my address out publicly huh? I might have a stampede at my front door!)
I am no expert on how to become content but I can pass on a few things I have learned over the last 11 years.
I hope my few clues will help you to become single and content as well.
- I needed to get to the point that I realized that I was complete and whole as a single. That there was no other half out there to complete me. God did not make an incomplete individual. I was complete in Him. The bible teaches that we are His workmanship and God is not waiting for some person to come along to complete His work. When you know you are complete it is easier to be single and content.
- I needed to stop waiting to live life. For years I waited for God to bring me someone before I would get on with life and pursue my dreams. Once I stopped waiting and went on with pursuing my dreams and doing things that I enjoyed, I started having a much more fulfilling life and the need and focus of having someone else in my life dwindled drastically. When you are busy it is easier to be single and content.
- I stopped engaging in fantasy. Now I am not talking about fantasizing about the perfect wife, or even coming close to talking about porn. Those are a given and only keep you from engaging in real relationships not to mention the sin factor. I am talking about the idea that you can get to know someone, engage in a real relationship without spending lot’s of face to face time with someone in all kinds of situations. I stopped thinking I could short-circuit that process and so in being real and honest, there is no one that I can do that with at this moment, so to think that there is hope at this present moment is fantasy. When I give up the fantasy, I become content in what God has given me, and believe me, those things are good! When you are not looking for something unreal then it is easier to be single and content.
Now I don’t expect that everyone has to walk the same path as me, or has the same struggles, nor will God lead them the same way, but I do hope that at least some of the lessons I have learned will help you become content as a single person in Christ. The single life really is not all that bad! You don’t have to put the toilet seat down!
Now that alone is something to think about!
About the Author:
Pastor Duke Taber has been a believer in Jesus for 33 years. He has been a pastor for over 20 years currently serving at the Vineyard church in Pine Haven Wyoming and was formerly the secretary treasurer of White Pine County Ministerial Association. He is an alumnus of LIFE Bible College and Multnomah Biblical Seminary. He is a syndicated blogger at The Christian Post and Believe.com You can connect with Pastor Duke on Google+, Twitter, or on Facebook
PastorDuke – who has written 727 posts on Taber's Truths Christian Living Magazine.
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Your article reminds me a bit of the poem, "Let Go and Let God" because when we step back and let God do the choosing and stop trying to make things happen, God's very best is yet to be…
LET GO AND LET GOD!
As children bring their broken toys
with tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God,
because He was my friend.
But then, instead of leaving Him,
in peace, to work alone;
I hung around and tried to help,
with ways that were my own.
At last, I snatched them back and cried,
"How can you be so slow?"
"My child," He said,
"What could I do?
You never did let go."
Your article reminds me a bit of the poem, "Let Go and Let God" because when we step back and let God do the choosing and stop trying to make things happen, God's very best is yet to be…
LET GO AND LET GOD!
As children bring their broken toys
with tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God,
because He was my friend.
But then, instead of leaving Him,
in peace, to work alone;
I hung around and tried to help,
with ways that were my own.
At last, I snatched them back and cried,
"How can you be so slow?"
"My child," He said,
"What could I do?
You never did let go."
A very insightful article, As 55 year old single, I also am very content with being alone. Although I have a few freinds, and I work at home so I don't have the benefit (or not) of co-workers. The time alone can sometimes be daunting, but gives one time to ponder things one may not have thought of before. Also, I have gotten closer to my Lord Jesus in this time. Sometimes I miss the companionship that marriage brings but like you I have found that being able to leave the toilet seat up has it's advantages to.LOL. In all seriousness I wish you the best.
A very insightful article, As 55 year old single, I also am very content with being alone. Although I have a few freinds, and I work at home so I don't have the benefit (or not) of co-workers. The time alone can sometimes be daunting, but gives one time to ponder things one may not have thought of before. Also, I have gotten closer to my Lord Jesus in this time. Sometimes I miss the companionship that marriage brings but like you I have found that being able to leave the toilet seat up has it's advantages to.LOL. In all seriousness I wish you the best.
I love that you are finally content with this season of your life! Enjoy it, because who knows what the next season will bring!
I love that you are finally content with this season of your life! Enjoy it, because who knows what the next season will bring!
Hi there! I had to laugh at your comment about not putting your address publicly on your blog! LOL
I didn't get married until I was at the ripe old age of 27 1/2. I didn't have my son until I was 30. In some people's eyes, I was an old maid! But, I learned alot during those single years and alot of those lessons have carried me through some low points of marriage and family life.
A friend of mine, who is single and almost in her 50s, said that her life as a single Christian leaves her no time to be married to an earthly man…she is married to the Lord and He keeps her very busy! We both started laughing because I had never thought about it that way. I guess He would be quite the demanding "Husband!"
But, the gist of this is, it's like my Grandma used to say to me and my Mom still says, "..for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." Phil 4:11 KJV
Or, you could just use my words, which aren't quite as elegant as Paul's, and they are this…get ready…they are just so profound…LOL…"Bloom where you are planted."
Hi there! I had to laugh at your comment about not putting your address publicly on your blog! LOL
I didn't get married until I was at the ripe old age of 27 1/2. I didn't have my son until I was 30. In some people's eyes, I was an old maid! But, I learned alot during those single years and alot of those lessons have carried me through some low points of marriage and family life.
A friend of mine, who is single and almost in her 50s, said that her life as a single Christian leaves her no time to be married to an earthly man…she is married to the Lord and He keeps her very busy! We both started laughing because I had never thought about it that way. I guess He would be quite the demanding "Husband!"
But, the gist of this is, it's like my Grandma used to say to me and my Mom still says, "..for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." Phil 4:11 KJV
Or, you could just use my words, which aren't quite as elegant as Paul's, and they are this…get ready…they are just so profound…LOL…"Bloom where you are planted."
Hey,
I liked what you said about being complete and whole just by yourself. I think that's a point alot of people miss out on. God completes His work and doesn't leave things unfinished.
Hey,
I liked what you said about being complete and whole just by yourself. I think that's a point alot of people miss out on. God completes His work and doesn't leave things unfinished.