Q. My husband and I have been married for four years and at times we’ve been extremely happy together. Now things are often tense between us. We flare up at each other over minor issues and then we both sulk for two days. Why is marriage so difficult? What do you suggest?
Marriage is a learning process
In a successful marriage we gradually learn who the other person is and they learn who we are. As with all learning, this is a difficult process at times; at times it is a delight. William James said that there are six personalities involved in every relationship: Who he thinks he is, who she thinks he is, and who he really is; and vice versa, who she thinks she is, who he thinks she is and who she really is. Couples need to sort out all of these personalities, real and imagined. This takes time and patience. Marriage can be the most difficult and frustrating relationship you’ve ever experienced as well as the most intimate, loving and secure relationship possible.
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