Q.  My husband and I are so different it’s causing problems. He tells me I’m emotional and I talk too much. I think he’s insensitive and uncommunicative. We thought we were compatible before we married but now we’re battling. A friend thinks our problems are due to typical male/female differences. What do you say? A. Your friend is right. You are in a classic battle of the sexes. Many couples fight over the ways in which men and women are naturally different. Gender differences are often core conflicts couples experience. In recent decades changes in our society escalated the battle of the sexes. Some confusion and mistrust occurred in order to achieve greater equality for women. However, the anger and mistrust between the sexes now often reaches the point of open warfare in which no one wins. How Men and Women Differ Women lament “Why can’t a man be more like a woman?” Men echo the cry with “Why can’t a woman be more like a man?” Gender differences ar… [more]

Q.  We hear so much in the media about the short comings of fathers. They may be abusive, absent, emotionally distant, workaholics, self-centered, immature and unable to communicate - the list is endless. Don’t most fathers do the best they can? If so, we should appreciate fathers. A.  Father bashing does seem to predominate in our culture. Most television shows picture Dad as either absent, uninvolved or not capable. Rarely is Dad pictured on TV as a central figure in a child’s life. We read the statistics that four out of ten children don’t live with their biological father and we become even more critical of fathers. We overlook the fact that six of the ten children are living with their biological fathers. In addition the four children not living with their biological father may see him on a regular basis, may have a very caring step father or other substitute father such as an uncle or a grandfather. We should appreciate fathers. The break up of families due to … [more]

Q. I felt unloved as a child and have struggled all my life to accept myself. My husband says he loves me but I have trouble believing this. I’m standoffish with others because I fear rejection. Why is it so hard for me to overcome my childhood hurts and believe I’m OK now? What can I do to overcome this problem? Understanding Childhood Hurts Many of us carry in our hearts some childhood hurts. As children we find ways to protect ourselves from hurt that is overwhelming. We learn to hide our hurt; we pretend that we feel happy or confident or brave when we really feel crushed or inadequate or fearful. Some of us even learn to detach from our feelings so we feel nothing. Our heart is the hiding place for childhood hurts. By the time we reach adulthood many of us have hearts full of pain, but our hearts are hardened. Hurts that are buried from childhood and adolescence are very difficult and painful to face. We must make the decision to face our secret pain and share it. Doing… [more]

  Rooted in Jesus   “Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither— whatever they do prospers.” ~ Psalm 1:1-3   Behold the trees, How they grow in majesty; Come now, My child, Come listen to Me:   Be like these trees Firmly rooted in the ground That no matter what comes You are safe and sound.   Be rooted in Me, Abide here in the True Vine, Remember I am yours, And you are Mine.   For when you are rooted, The winds may blow, Yet strongly you will stand, Tall you will grow.   When you remain in Me, And I in you, You weather the storms With love pure and true.   When My livi… [more]

Q. Every year I think about my life and what I really want. I make plans to change the way I live. I stick with my plan for a few weeks and then I go back to my old ways. For example, I eat healthier food and exercise regularly at first. Or I work on improving my job skills and I look for another job for a while. Then I go back to my usual routines. What does it take to make real and permanent changes? A. Three things will change the direction of our lives: Crisis, Chance and Choice. When we face a crisis such as a life threatening illness, our priorities radically change. We are shaken to the core and forced to break out of our old habits, thoughts and beliefs. A crisis is a type of conversion. We see the world in a different way and we handle life differently. We are changed by chance when something outside of us impacts our life. For example, our life changes by chance when we win the lottery or are struck by lightning. Change that occurs as a result of chance is not somet… [more]

Q.  My husband and I have been married for four years and at times we’ve been extremely happy together. Now things are often tense between us. We flare up at each other over minor issues and then we both sulk for two days. Why is marriage so difficult?  What do you suggest? Marriage is a learning process In a successful marriage we gradually learn who the other person is and they learn who we are. As with all learning, this is a difficult process at times; at times it is a delight. William James said that there are six personalities involved in every relationship: Who he thinks he is, who she thinks he is, and who he really is; and vice versa, who she thinks she is, who he thinks she is and who she really is. Couples need to sort out all of these personalities, real and imagined. This takes time and patience. Marriage can be the most difficult and frustrating relationship you’ve ever experienced as well as the most intimate, loving and secure relationship possible. The … [more]

  Heaven's Gate   “There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever.” Revelation 22:8     If you only knew The treasures that await For you, My precious child, Behind Heaven’s gate.   If you could imagine The diamonds and the gems, The hills and mountains, The roses and blossoms,   The waterfalls and streams, The eternal Sunlight, The glory of the days, The absence of night,   The songs of birds, The lamb’s dance with the lion, The peace, the joy, the love Of Eternal Zion.   If you only knew, My child, you would not fear, For you would remember All your treasure is there.   So I ask you for a moment To come be with Me, Close your eyes right now, Envision eternity.   For there in Heaven Is your beautiful treasure, Sweeter than your dream… [more]

The Sixth Commandment: Murder of the Heart “You shall not murder." Exodus 20:13 Chances are, if you ask someone if they have they broken the sixth commandment, you shall not murder, they will claim to be innocent. This is pretty typical. Most people when faced with God's holy law believe at least that they have not broken it on this particular point. But check out what Jesus said regarding the sixth commandment. “You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire.” Mathew 5:21-22 This is called murder of the heart. Unrighteous anger towards another person is sinful and violates the law of God. It is God alone who sits on the judgment seat. When we slur another person or harbor… [more]

  Heaven's Gate “There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever.” Revelation 22:8   If you only knew The treasures that await For you, My precious child, Behind Heaven’s gate.   If you could imagine The diamonds and the gems, The hills and mountains, The roses and blossoms,   The waterfalls and streams, The eternal Sunlight, The glory of the days, The absence of night,   The songs of birds, The lamb’s dance with the lion, The peace, the joy, the love Of Eternal Zion.   If you only knew, My child, you would not fear, For you would remember All your treasure is there.   So I ask you for a moment To come be with Me, Close your eyes right now, Envision eternity.   For there in Heaven Is your beautiful treasure, Sweeter than your dreams, Rich beyond … [more]

Q. We have three children, ages 6, 8 and 10 and my wife works full time. The problem is she seems stressed out constantly even though I help her a great deal with the children and the chores. The children are affected by their mother's moods. When she’s out of sorts, the children are at their worst. What can we do to have a happier, calmer family life? A. Husbands need to understand the difficulty mother's have balancing family and work. They are often overwhelmed and tired. A mother’s moods set the tone for the family. This is because mothers usually have more responsibility for child rearing and a closer emotional tie to their children. In other words, it’s because mothers are so important to children. Mothers who work full time outside the home are faced with the formidable task of scrunching a full time job into the hours they are at home. The job at home is never done. There are always meals to prepare, laundry to be done, housecleaning needed,  and child care. Child … [more]

  Mother's Day Poem   “’Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.’ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Proverbs 31:29-30   Graced with wisdom, Filled with love, Reflecting light Of heaven above,   Tender and kind, Compassionate and pure, With strong patience In all things to endure,   Quick to encourage, Happy to guide, Sweet with praise, Always by my side,   Such is my Mother, She is rich in beauty, Shining with Jesus For all to see.   For her I give thanks, For her I do pray, How I treasure her love, Every word she does say.   Lord God, thank You For Mothers You give, Sweetening the moments In lives we live.   This Mothers Day And every day too, I give thanks for my Mother, I give thanks to You.   So join me, my friends, Sisters and brothers, Let us celebrate The gifts… [more]

I am the first to admit that I am an imperfect leader. I am an imperfect church member. I am an imperfect man. There have been times in my life where I have done or allowed some pretty dumb things in my life. So when I talk about codependent tendencies between church leaders and church members, I am not trying to raise myself up on a pedestal by pointing out the flaws of other. I am trying to bring to light something that I have both wrestled with personally and seen operating within some churches in the hopes that by doing so, it will bring a greater degree of health and fruitfulness to leaders and church members. There is a difference between codependency and interdependency. The Bible teaches that we are to be interdependent upon one another. Unfortunately because we do not live in a perfect world and because of some of the baggage we carry around, interdependency is replaced with codependency. So let's look at the definition of codependency, look at ways it manifests itself betw… [more]

  Soaring in Spirit   “…but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31   Soaring so high, Flying so free, The vast world below Now I see,   Amidst the clouds, Close to the sun, In the arms Of the Eternal One,   Up with the birds, In soul-freeing flight, My heart beating With rhythmic delight,   This is how I feel, Pure, strong, free; This is how I feel Because You love me.   So my heart soars To the heavens it seems, Sweeter than sweetest Of all my dreams.   To You, my Jesus, My heart I give, For to fly toward heaven Is for You to live.   To new heights Each day You bring, My soul flies free, My heart does sing.   Blissful, beautiful, Divine, rich and true Is the love I feel Flowing from You.   So amidst… [more]

Q. I'm a senior in high school and I can’t believe my high school days are almost over. I have a close knit group of Christian friends and will miss them. I know many college students have little or no faith in God. What can I do to prepare for living in a secular environment? How can I stay Christian in college? A. Your question is an important one. Many Christian students lose their faith while in college. In fact, I lost my faith while in graduate school. I drifted away from God – I didn’t plan it; I just drifted away. I didn’t find a church nor did I join a Christian group on campus. Don’t let this happen to you. In order to stay Christian in college it’s essential you find a Christian group of friends on campus who share your faith. It’s also essential you find a church on campus and become involved there. You need other Christians and they need you. No matter how busy you are with your studies and other activities make your Christian connections a priority. Wi… [more]

It seems that in today's society we are busier and busier and have less time to schedule events during the week. Mid-week services are dwindling or non-existent and home groups are not the cure-all that proponents claim them to be. So what is the solution? How about accomplishing the same thing you would accomplish at your brick and mortar building but doing so online? That is where building an online social network for your church comes in. In the following picture I am going to show you that there has been a cultural shift in how we relate to one another in our world. We can always do what we have done in the past which is scream and shout and refuse to adapt to the cultural change or we can see the change and adapt how we do ministry. Culturally, people have changed the way they interact with one another. They are moving towards interacting via social media and online groups. How To Build An Online Social Network For Your Church There is a way for you to have fellowshi… [more]

How to Share Christ with Atheists I was reading an article this past week that was describing a speech Stephen Hawking was giving entitled; “How the big bang happened without God.” It always amazes me how much effort is given, by those who claim to know God does not exist, by trying to prove what they already claim to know to be false. But nonetheless here was another atheist dealing with the topic of creation. I read the full article to see what arguments he had to make and began to chuckle at the language used to describe his thoughts. The article contained words and phrases like: believed, seem to fit, likely, ideas, fit that model and created out of nothing. Of course, there was a lack of certainty inherent in the selection of these words. My favorite phrase was "Spontaneously created matter." I already read a book about that years ago. It was called Genesis 1:1. Now I am not writing this post to mock Atheists. As Christians we should have a concern for their eternal des… [more]

How We Affect Each Other          Couples often blame each other for the problems in their relationship, but the problems are often the result of a circular interaction. Each person’s behavior is the result of an action that preceded it and is also a trigger for the partner’s action that follows it. For example, a husband works late. The wife interprets his coming home late as lack of love for her so she withdraws emotionally and won’t allow touching. He then stays late at work again because of her withdrawal. Can you see the circular interaction in this example? Couples also develop balance in the roles they assume. If one person is very responsible about keeping the house clean, the other one may be more casual or even sloppy. Michele Weiner-Davis in her book Divorce Busting compares this type of balancing to what happens when riding a tandem bicycle. If one person stops pedaling, the other one must do all the work. Again, this shows a circular interaction in whi… [more]

I have always been a proponent of internet evangelism. When I found out that tomorrow, Sunday April 21st, is internet evangelism day, I had to do an article about it. Internet evangelism day happens every year on the 4th Sunday of April. This website has over 4,000 people per year go to our page that is set up to teach people how to start a personal relationship with Jesus. The internet has broken down the walls between nations and people. It allows a small town pastor in rural Wyoming to speak to people of all nationalities. It allows you to plant seeds where you never thought it was possible to plant seeds before. It truly allows every believer to fulfill the great commission given by Jesus in Matt. 28:19-20 Matthew 28:19-20 THE GREAT COMMISSION 19 Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, 1 baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. 20 Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am w… [more]

Are you getting married? Well, so am I! I am not into big public announcements. It seems like when I do, something gets in the way, however I am excited. For me it is important to have a biblical marriage and a Christian marriage ceremony. It is amazing to me how many wedding ceremonies are out there but how many really do not incorporate our faith in a meaningful way. So I wanted to share with you the marriage ceremony that I recommend to believers and also the one that will be used at my own wedding. A Biblically Based Christian Wedding Ceremony The Christian Marriage Ceremony Prelude: Christian Music Reading Psalm 95:1-7 Oh come, let us sing to the Lord! Let us shout joyfully to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving; Let us shout joyfully to Him with psalm. For the Lord [is] the great God, And the great King above all gods.In His hand [are] the deep places of the earth; The heights of the hills [are] His also. The sea [is] His, for He … [more]

  Prayer for Boston   “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” ~ John 16:33    Heavy are our hearts, How they ache you, Wanting to believe This tragedy not to be true.     Please know in our prayers You are, you will be, Each and every victim, And every family.     Cheerful were the cries As runners ran the race, Yet who would know the terror All would soon face?   May the tears we shed And the many prayers we raise Bring comfort to you As gentle sunrays.     May God’s eternal arms Wrap you with His peace As the horror of the day Your soul does release.     In God’s eternal heart Please find peace and rest, Knowing He works all things, Even this, for best.     Those who planned this, For you we also pray That you may repent And follo… [more]